Building strong relationships at work will make you a happier, more productive employee. It can help you fit in at a new job since you have a great group of people to show you the ropes, support you, and make you really feel like part of the company. Still, despite how hard you may try, you might find yourself as one of the many people who have trouble making friends at work, whether this is due to social anxiety, awkwardness, or just poor conversation skills.
Don’t count yourself out just yet. If you want to build strong relationships at work, make the first move. Start conversations and follow simple tips like observing company culture, finding commonalities between yourself and your coworkers, and proving yourself to be reliable.
It’s natural to be a little intimidated by the prospect of meeting new people. Many adults find it very difficult to befriend people once they’ve graduated from school and no longer have the classroom’s regularity to rely on.
The good news is that because you see the same group of people every day, your job can be just as good a place to find and make new friends. At the very least, you’ll want to get along with most of your coworkers so you can perform your job without the distraction of feeling isolated at work.
You spend a huge portion of your time at your job. You should be able to spend that time with people you get along with, and with these tips, you can. These are small changes, but they can make all the difference in how successful you are in connecting with coworkers professionally and personally.
Here is a great video on why having friends at work is essential to our success.
Why Making Friends at Work Matters
There’s a good chance that when you applied for your current job, the idea of making friends was the last thing on your mind.
New jobs are a whirlwind of activity, very little of which you actually get time to process fully. It’s only natural for something to fall through the cracks, and more often than not, when the choice is between personal concerns and professional ones, securing your professional future wins out.
After all, what could be more important than your career? As it turns out, company culture and your coworkers can be far more important to you than you might anticipate.
When you went on your interview for your job, you were probably thinking about whether you would like the day-to-day responsibilities, how the boss would treat you, and the pay and benefits. These are the kind of considerations that come up during an interview, not what sort of interests and hobbies your future coworkers have.
Because of this, you might be under the impression that making friends at work isn’t that important. In truth, failing to make connections with your coworkers—or worse, actively disliking them—can radically affect how happy you are in your new position.
It can even make it harder for you to stay at your job, regardless of the pay. If you feel like you’re not being respected, or if you simply don’t connect with any of your peers, you can feel disengaged with your work. This can lead to issues with work quality and motivation, ultimately harming your performance and putting your career success in jeopardy.
If you’ve already been at a few jobs where you struggled to find your footing with other employees, you already know how hard it is when you don’t have anyone to talk to. Whether you work an eight-hour shift in an office or a part-time customer service job, having a partner in crime to vent to and ask for help is a total game-changer.
Luckily, you don’t have to spend a large chunk of your time feeling lonely and hard on yourself. When you start reaching out to coworkers and forging genuine friendships, you’ll have enough in-jokes and shared experiences to get you through even the most grueling of workdays.
As coworkers become friends over time, you’ll find that work is one of the best places to expand your social circle with like-minded people. The chances are that you all ended up at the same job because you have some of the same passions and goals, which means it shouldn’t be too difficult to find people who like what you like.
There are plenty of benefits to this expanded friend group too. Having a positive relationship with your coworkers gives you people to rely on in times of crisis. It also makes the job more fun, which can, in turn, make you more productive.
Reviews of employee productivity have shown just how important social connections can be. People who don’t have any friends or close colleagues at work often find themselves unmotivated and disengaged. In contrast, those with close friendships typically experience more engagement and produce better quality work. This means your job performance and your level of happiness are closely tied to your ability to make friends.
If you struggle to befriend people, this can initially sound disheartening. Not only is your social life suffering, but so is your ability to do your best at work. Does this mean you’re doomed to forever spend your life bouncing from job to job, never really feeling at home and finding your place?
Of course not!
There are plenty of ways to make friends in the workplace, even if you’re not the most outgoing person. By putting the following easy tips into practice, you’ll build strong relationships at work in no time at all.
Listen Before You Act
If you’ve just started a new job, you probably want to jump right into meeting your coworkers. While it’s a good idea to start learning everyone’s names on the first day, it might be too early to pursue any serious friendships just yet.
Building strong relationships at work isn’t a race. If you were making friends in any other area of your life, you’d give things time to breathe and allow a friendship to develop naturally over time. Why should a work friendship be any different?
Trying to move too quickly could lead to your work relationships feeling forced and unnatural. You may try to insert yourself into an already existing group too quickly without paying attention to how the people in that group interact with each other. This could leave you feeling like an outsider even if all your coworkers are perfectly nice and friendly.
Rather than forcing a relationship to develop, give everything some time to develop. Start by observing the overall company culture and how people interact with each other. Then try to mimic this as you introduce yourself, fitting into the existing rhythms rather than making too many waves.
This, of course, isn’t to say you should pretend to be someone you’re not. Any friendships where you cannot be your authentic self aren’t really friendships at all. But this method helps you avoid coming on too strong and assists in making a good first impression.
Look for Friendly Faces
Every workplace has its grouches, but there’s usually a friendly face or two who are more than happy to show newcomers the ropes. If you’re somewhat shy or socially anxious, it’s a good idea to seek out the more outgoing workforce members.
It also doesn’t typically take very long to find these people. They tend to gravitate toward new hires, happy to be their entry point into the company. This is great news for you, as it usually doesn’t take very long to develop a good working relationship with these kinds of people.
Focus on introducing yourself to these kinds of people first. They’ll help you get your bearings at the company, and they’re more likely to invite you into a conversation when you’re both on break.
Once you befriend them, take notice of the other people in their social circle and how they maintain these relationships. Copy their actions, and over time, you will integrate yourself into their social circle, making close friends.
Consider the Tone of Conversations
If you often find yourself uncertain of the right thing to say, it can be hard to jump into conversations, especially if you’re still dealing with being the new guy or girl. You might find yourself saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.
For example, if a group of your coworkers are good-naturedly bemoaning all the work they have to do, it probably wouldn’t help much to try to change the topic or insist they look on the bright side of things. That’s not the conversation they’re having right now.
On the other hand, you don’t want to come into a light-hearted conversation around the water cooler and start relentlessly complaining about everything from your home life to your bosses. This can be awkward and paint you as the “Debbie Downer” of the group. Do it often enough, and you’ll gain a reputation for negativity that can put people off.
What’s the best way to avoid these mistakes? The answer is simple: listening.
It’s amazing how many people talk without ever listening to what others are saying. Paying attention to the contents and tone of a discussion before you join in makes all the difference.
If you’re joining a conversation partway through, pay attention to what everyone else is talking about. Don’t just butt in and call attention to yourself. Listen, then add on to what someone else says as a more natural continuation of the conversation.
Connecting With Coworkers by Finding Common Ground
In theory, everyone who works at a company already has at least one thing in common.
In practice, the people a company employs can come from all walks of life with completely different interests and hobbies.
This is especially true if you work at a large company with a lot of diversity in its workforce. This can be a little intimidating at first, but chances are you can find some non-work-related common ground with at least one other person at the office.
The more people you interact with daily, the more likely you’ll uncover a few similarities with a few of them. This can be anything from a shared passion, bonding over the difficulties of being a working parent, to something as simple as a movie franchise you both enjoy. Use these similarities to help you ease into conversations.
Listen for Shared Interests
When you were listening to workplace conversations and making thoughtful contributions, you probably picked up on a few of your coworkers’ interests aligned with yours. Now is the perfect time to put that knowledge to use.
Shared interests are an excellent conversation starter since they give you immediate common ground with someone. Your conversations will no longer be plagued by dry descriptions of the day’s weather or other forgettable topics. Instead, you can have a more memorable discussion about something both you and your coworker are passionate about.
You might connect with people over all sorts of hobbies, depending on your interests. Maybe you enjoy classic or modern literature, and one of your coworkers majored in English. If you like a sports bar atmosphere, you might consider talking about the most recent game with a football fan.
Any sort of shared hobby can be a great springboard for discussion, and having something in common is a fast track to building the foundations of strong relationships.
Show Interest in Your Coworkers
Remember that when you’re building relationships, it’s not all about you.
We love to talk about ourselves. It’s easy to take it too far. Before you know it, you’ve been talking about the history of your life for the last 10 minutes, and half your audience has started tuning you out.
The good news is that other people love to talk about themselves too, and they love it even better when you show genuine interest in what they have to say.
If you want to make friends, getting to know people is the first step. Making an effort to really get to know others is one of the most effective ways to attract and befriend like-minded people. The more interest you show in others, the more interest they’ll show in you in return.
Ask questions that help you get to know people better, like what they like to do outside of work or what TV shows they’ve watched recently that they really enjoyed. You can even ask for recommendations, which is a great way to gauge your coworkers’ interests without either of you feeling like you’re in an interview.
When it’s your turn to talk, build off what the other person said to show you were paying attention. Respond to their points, and bring up things they said in later conversations when it’s relevant. People will notice you were interested enough in their likes and dislikes to remember them, which will leave them with a positive impression of you.
Suggest Opportunities for Spending Time Together
Talking about a topic during your lunch break and in passing in the office only goes so far. You might end up being good work friends with someone if you share an interest, but this really only makes you acquaintances.
If you’re looking to deepen your work relationships until you become genuine friends with your coworkers, you’ll want to spend time together outside of work too.
This can feel like a big step, especially if you’ve previously had trouble making real friends at work. Don’t let it intimidate you. The more you work toward friendship, the easier it will become to ask if a coworker wants to grab lunch or hit a bar on the way home.
Start with small, casual suggestions. Consider inviting along with a big group rather than just one or two of your coworkers to take some of the pressure off. This way, any lulls in conversation won’t become awkward stretches of silence.
If you want to be sure your suggestion to hang out after work will sound appealing, you can invite your coworkers along to do something related to one of your shared interests. The promise of doing something fun they enjoy might make them more receptive to the idea.
Help Others, Then Ask for Help
Collaboration is a key part of the relationship between coworkers. You’ll be working with these people for the foreseeable future, so you want to be sure they’ll have your back, just like they want to know you have their back in return.
Since you’ll need to work together whether you like each other or not, it’s in everyone’s best interest if you’re a great partner.
Being helpful can greatly increase others’ opinions of you. Your coworkers want to find out that you’re a dependable person who takes their work seriously and doesn’t burden them with the extra work of picking up the slack.
On the other hand, if you’re a poor group member and you don’t pull your own weight, people likely aren’t going to be very happy with you.
Partnership on a project is a great way to get to know your coworkers’ traits as well. Just like they don’t want to be stuck with someone who doesn’t pull their weight, you probably don’t want that either, nor do you want someone who would carelessly waste your time as a friend.
In many ways, working on an assignment together or frequently finding ways to collaborate outside of specific projects is like a test run for future friendship. Work together well, and you’re sure to get along just fine. Fumble, and you’ll make a bad impression that could seriously harm your chances of getting along in the future.
Aside from the basics of completing your work to the best of your ability and turning things in on time, you’ll want to be sure to both request help and offer it.
Be Ready to Lend a Helping Hand
This one is pretty straightforward: people feel gratitude toward those who help them out.
If you’ve ever been stuck in a seriously tough situation and feared there was no way out until someone miraculously swooped in and saved the day, you know exactly how impactful this can be. You probably continued to think positively of that person for a long time after the encounter.
You can garner these same feelings of appreciation and gratitude at work by lending a helping hand to those who need it around the office.
If your boss is looking for volunteers for a new committee, sign yourself up. If someone asks you to look something over for them, give it your full attention. If you notice someone struggling with a mountain of work, ask if they’d like some help dealing with it.
It’s not a bad idea to get a reputation as a helpful and friendly person. You become the friendly face you once looked for in your company, which means anyone who’s a little uncertain of what they’re doing or who might need some support may choose to come to talk to you about it.
This advice comes with the important caveat that you should never put your own personal health or professional success at risk for the sake of helping someone else. If you need to get home right on time, but a coworker asks you to stay late and help them finish their work, you’ll probably have to decline politely. If you start to fall behind on your own assignments, take a step back, and tell people you don’t have time to help them today.
It’s effortless to get into the practice of constantly saying ‘yes’ to people asking for your help. Before long, you can find yourself buried under other people’s assignments if you’re not careful. Please pay attention to your limits, and take a minute to refresh yourself when you need it.
While providing help to coworkers is a good basis for a positive relationship, it shouldn’t be the entirety of your friendship. If you feel like someone’s only using you, so they don’t have to put in as much effort at work, you may need to reevaluate whether they really deserve your help after all.
That being said, when you have spare time and motivation, these valuable resources could be well spent on supporting your future friends. Lend a helping hand, and plenty of people will be more than willing to lend a hand to you in return.
Request Help When You Need It
It makes sense that being helpful leaves people with a positive image of you, but did you know that asking for help can have similar results?
The idea of asking for favors strengthening your relationships is nothing new; it dates back hundreds of years, and the founding father, Benjamin Franklin, popularized it. This phenomenon has even come to be known as the Benjamin Franklin effect.
Supposedly, Franklin once reached out to a legislator with whom he had an especially contentious relationship, asking to borrow a book. A few days later, he returned the book, expressing how much he enjoyed it. When he next met this legislator in person, he found they had completely reversed their opinion of him, treating him with great civility and respect.
Franklin concluded that because doing you a favor leaves the other person feeling good about their actions, those positive feelings become associated with you, and your status in their mind improves by proxy.
The Benjamin Franklin effect tells us that sometimes it’s good to ask for help, not just because we could really use it but also because it makes other people happy to help. Coworkers may be more likely to support you in the future because you had such a positive experience.
Like the previous piece of advice, this one comes with some caveats too.
First, it’s probably not a good idea to pretend you need assistance when you’re perfectly fine doing something independently. Sure, it might be nice to get someone to fill out some paperwork for you, but it’s not a great use of time for either of you.
Additionally, asking for small favors that can be performed without significant work or frustration on the other person’s part. Something as small as asking for a pen or pencil is a good example of a tiny favor that can have big returns to solidify your friendship.
Finally, make sure you don’t overstay your welcome. Someone might be willing to do you a few small favors, but they’re unlikely to feel very positively about constantly having to bail you out. Don’t overburden someone who’s lending you their time and energy, as you’ll find that any positive associations can wear off quickly if you only ever seem to be asking for favors.
Just like you wouldn’t appreciate someone using up all your time and doing no work of their own, they wouldn’t either!
Final Thoughts
Trying to make friends in the workplace can sometimes be intimidating. It’s easy to see yourself as the odd one out and assume everyone you try to talk to will be hostile or at least disinterested in what you have to say. If you experience social anxiety and other worry-related conditions, you might be even more likely to think this way.
Despite what you might imagine in your work-related stress nightmares, chances are everyone at your company isn’t out to get you. In fact, they’re probably as interested in making friends at work as you are.
When you start opening up to your coworkers and talking about the things you enjoy, as well as assisting each other when you need to, you’ll find that many of your coworkers are more receptive to the idea of expanding their social circle than you may have thought.
The tips in this article can be implemented whether you’ve been at a company for years or you’re just about to start your first day. It’s never too late to befriend your coworkers, even if you haven’t been the most outgoing person in the room in the past. Each day is a new opportunity to start a conversation and begin building your social relationships.
If you put the suggestions in this article into practice, you’re almost certain to see the positive results you’ve been waiting for. As you begin making acquaintances, you’ll also begin to feel more comfortable and confident at work, which can make it even easier to make friends as all your previous reservations fall away and your coworkers get to know the real you.
Next time you’re passing by a coworker’s desk, try to strike up a quick conversation to give them something more fun to focus on than work. When you’re feeling overworked and run down, reach out to a friendly coworker and ask for their assistance. If you find yourself stuck at a company team building event, make the most of it and try to make genuine connections with people.
The more you put yourself out there, the more likely you are to make lifelong friends.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I know if my coworkers actually like me?
As your relationships with your coworkers develop, you’ll find you end up naturally spending more time together. If someone is constantly dropping by your cubicle or inviting you places, they probably like you!
Do I have to befriend everyone at work?
While having friends at work is great, you don’t have to become BFFs with everyone there. Choose a few close friends, and try to maintain a polite and professional relationship with everyone else.